Funny, Dirty, Yo mama, Blonde Jokes/Joke - Funny, Love, Free, Dirty SMS

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Friday, December 4, 2009

Funny/ Republican Jokes/ Political Jokes and Humor / Bush Jokes

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  • This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton must be telling lies.

    1. Is the Pope catholic?
    2. Does Windows have bugs?
    3. Does Clinton lie?

  • Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

  • A young man‘s parents were trying to figure out what their son‘s future career would be so they decided to give him a test.

    They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren‘t at home. The father told the mother, “If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I‘m afraid our son will be a drunkard.“

    So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they‘d be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

    The father slapped his forehead and said, “Darn, it‘s even worse than I could ever have imagined…“

    “What do you mean?“ his wife asked.

    “Our son is going to be a politician!“ replied the very unhappy father.

  • President Vladimir Putin called President Bush with an emergency:
    “Our largest condom factory has exploded!“ the Russian President cried; “My people‘s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!“

    “Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.“, replied the President.

    “I do need your help,“ said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?“

    “Why certainly! I‘ll get right on it!“, said Bush.

    “Oh, and one more small favour, please?“, said Putin.

    “Yes?“, replied the President.

    “Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10“ long and 4“ in diameter?“ said Yeltsin.

    “No problem,“ replied the President and with that Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan condoms. “I need a favour, you‘ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.“

    “Consider it done,“ said the President of Trojan.

    “Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10“ long and 4“ wide.“

    “Easily done. Anything else?“

    “Yeah,“ said the President, “Print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM‘ on each one.“

  • Saddam has just made a reportedly live TV appearance. He said, “To prove I am still alive, Liverpool were a bag of shite on Saturday“.

    The British Government claim that it could have been recorded months ago.

  • A freshly elected Barrack Obama is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen when a little man comes up to him.

    “Excuse me Mr. President but my name is Jason Prins and I’m here with an extremely important client tonight. We’re going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, “Hello Jason”.

    President Obama, eager to please, readily agrees and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by deep in conversation with his client. Obama approached him and said ” Hello Jason.”

    The little man says “F**k off, Barrack! I’m in a meeting!” and keeps walking.