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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Funny/Humor/Short/Clean/Dirty/Military Jokes/joke

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  • As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter‘s

    There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
    this new situation. “Oh, come on, quit joking,“ snickered one. “You didn‘t really do that, did you?“

    “You would never get through basic training,“ scoffed another.

    The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, “Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?“

  • During the occupation of Japan, a young GI fell in love with a beautiful Japanese girl. After many months of courtship, they wanted to get married. The U.S. government did not like to have mixed marriages, but they continued to fight for their love rights.

    One afternoon the CO called Jo into his office and gave him the good news that it was a go. Blossom‘s parents would only give their blessing if the couple would have a traditional Japanese ceremony. They both agreed.

    The day arrived and Blossom dressed in her wedding kimono. She made a beautiful bride.

    That evening in their hotel room, Blossom began to undress. With each piece of outer clothing she would take off she would say, “Excuse Please.“

    Then all her underclothes and again, “Excuse Please.“

    She was down to her stockings, when she bent over to take them off and expelled some gas.

    So embarrassed Blossom exclaimed, “Oh so sorry! Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole had to whistle!“

  • Army basic trainees at Fort McClellan were required to go on a demanding 12-mile march. They got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

    An hour later, feeling the heavy load of their packs, they wondered if the end would ever come.

    “Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You‘re doing a FINE job. We‘ve already covered four miles!”

    Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

    “And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the starting point any minute now.”

  • A USMC sniper was real good at his job, and he had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, BANG - one less insurgent!

    After every mission the company commander would ask “How many insurgents have you shot today?“

    However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported “Five killed and I let one go, sir.“

    “Let one go?“ roared the company commander. “What do you mean, you let one go?“

    “Well, sir, I yelled out ‘Osama is a Homo!‘ Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled ‘Hillary is a Bitch!‘ I just couldn‘t shoot a fellow Republican!“

  • The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Caroline to see who would donate the most blood.

    After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.

    As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel.
    Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, “I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat.“

  • Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

    It wasn‘t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones‘s sales pitch.

    Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don‘t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.“

    “Now,“ he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?“