tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17113961716825159772023-11-15T09:26:43.670-08:00Funny, Dirty, Yo mama, Blonde Jokes/Joke - Funny, Love, Free, Dirty SMSAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-59166336281867833872012-08-23T08:33:00.001-07:002012-08-23T08:33:18.055-07:00jokesA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-87270166304229741332010-11-09T21:37:00.000-08:002013-03-17T04:23:05.959-07:00Funny Text / Mobile / Cell Phone Jokes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 130%;">If you are looking for <b>phone jokes, cell phone jokes</b> than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>phone joke, funny cell phone jokes, jokes for cell phone, mobile phone jokes, phones jokes, cell phone joke, cell phones jokes, free phone jokes, text phone jokes, funny phone jokes, jokes for mobile phones, jokes for phone, phone dirty jokes, dirty cell phone jokes, jokes on phone, prank phone jokes, joke phone number</b> . So enjoy your stay here. If your are looking for latest SMS messages collection than <a href="http://www.thesmsportal.com/"><b>click here</b></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><br />
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<ul>
<li>When doesn‘t a telephone work underwater?<br />When it‘s wringing wet!</li>
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<li>Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.“<br />
Customer “Ok.“<br />
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?“<br />
Customer: “No.“<br />
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?“<br />
Customer “No.“<br />
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?“<br />
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click‘ and I wrote ‘click‘.“</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li> Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.“ Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?“<br />
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?“</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Customer:: “I‘m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.“ Tech Support:: “Tell me what you‘ve done.“<br />
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP‘.“<br />
Tech Support:: “Ma‘am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.“<br />
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk‘.“<br />
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.“<br />
Customer:: “What?“<br />
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?“<br />
Customer: “No…“</li>
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<li><div class="post-content">
Mike went to office and called to his house over phone. Servant had taken the receiver.<br />
Mike: Who is speaking?<br />
Servant : Servant Sir.<br />
Mike: Where is the Madam?<br />
Mike: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.<br />
Mike: What? I am her husband came to office today.<br />
Servant: What can I do now sir?<br />
Mike: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line. After some time … there come 2 shooting sounds … after that …<br />
Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?<br />
Mike: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool<br />
Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir<br />
Mike: What…? No swimming pool?<br />
Servant: Yes Sir<br />
Mike: Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-18240414619759168342010-11-09T21:34:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:38:30.730-07:00Funny/Clean/Dirty/Short/Best One Liner/Liners Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="">If you are looking for <b>one liner jokes, one liners jokes</b><span style=""> </span>than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>one liner joke, funny jokes one liners, funny one liner jokes, one liner jokes dirty, joke one liners, clean one liner jokes, adult one liner jokes, best one liner jokes, one liner blonde jokes, short one liner jokes, free one liner jokes, rude one liner jokes, good one liner jokes, hilarious one liner jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering menopause?</p> <p>A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?<br />BOO-BEE</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Light travels faster than sound<br />This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?</p> <p>A. They don’t have time.</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Why did the fish get kicked out of school?<br />Cause he was caught with seaweed.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>What‘s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?<br />Male fraud</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-42625375481344626562010-11-09T21:30:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:38:38.827-07:00Funny Office Jokes /April Fool Jokes/ Work Jokes and WorkPlace Humor<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="">If you are looking for</span></span><span style="font-size:180%;"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">office jokes</span> than you are at right place. Here you can also find </span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">april fools office jokes, office practical jokes, clean office jokes, short office jokes, office humor jokes </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >. </span><span style="font-size:180%;">So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.</p> <p>The Japanese team won by a mile.</p> <p>Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of “Executives“ was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.</p> <p>Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.</p> <p>After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that “too many people were steering and not enough rowing.“ To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to “4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager“ and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. “We must give him empowerment and enrichment.“ That ought to do it.</p> <p>The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.</p> <p>The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.</p> <p>They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.</p> <p>Now let‘s just hope that the unemployment rate doesn‘t change.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.</p> <p>The first beggar wrote “Beggar“ on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.</p> <p>The next day, the second beggar wrote “Beggar.com“ on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.</p> <p>The following day, the third beggar wrote “e-Beg“ on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Mr. Jones was known far and wide as a hard-nosed boss who watched his employees like a hawk. He was making one of his regular tours of the factory when he spotted a young man leaning against a pile of boxes just outside the foreman‘s office. Since George, the foreman, wasn‘t around, Jones stood off to the side and watched to see just how long the young man would stand around doing nothing. The young man yawned, scratched his head, looked at his watch, and sat on the floor. He took out a nail file and began cleaning his nails. Then he stretched, yawned again, and leaned back on the pile of boxes.</p> <p>Jones stepped from his hiding place and walked up to the young man. “You!“ he boomed. “How much do you make a week?“</p> <p>The young man looked up indifferently. “Two hundred and fifty dollars,“ he said.</p> <p>Jones swooped into the cashier‘s office, took $250 from the cash box, and returned. “Take it,“ he said, “and get out! Don‘t let me see you around here again!“</p> <p>The young man took the cash, put it in his pocket, and left. Jones snorted at his lack of remorse, embarrassment, or any other feeling. Then he went looking for George. When he found him, Jones was red with anger.“That idler in front of your office,“ Jones said. “I just gave him a week‘s pay and fired him. What‘s the matter with you, letting him stand around as though he had nothing to do?“</p> <p>“You mean the kid in the red shirt?“ George asked.</p> <p>“Yes! The kid in the red shirt!“</p> <p>“He was waiting for the twenty dollars we owe him for lunch,“ George said. “He works for the coffee shop around the corner.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Once a peon of an office trying to speak in English to a guest. Then the guest appreciate him and told “From where you have learned to talk English?”<br />The peon replied “I have learned, ‘You understand?’ from our MD, ‘I love you’ from the TV and ‘Good Morning’ from our receptionist madam.</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-65707024816262109752010-11-09T21:25:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:38:43.002-07:00Funny/Humor/Short/Clean/Dirty/Military Jokes/joke<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;">If you are looking for</span><span style=""><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >military jokes, military joke</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> than you are at right place. Here you can also find </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >military humor jokes, military jokes and, military jokes and humor, funny military jokes, military jokes military, military jokes military humor, jokes about military, short military jokes, dirty military jokes, clean military jokes, military retirement jokes, the military jokes, the military joke, military joke of, jokes about the military</span><span style="font-size:130%;">. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter‘s<br />office.</p> <p>There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle<br />this new situation. “Oh, come on, quit joking,“ snickered one. “You didn‘t really do that, did you?“</p> <p>“You would never get through basic training,“ scoffed another.</p> <p>The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, “Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>During the occupation of Japan, a young GI fell in love with a beautiful Japanese girl. After many months of courtship, they wanted to get married. The U.S. government did not like to have mixed marriages, but they continued to fight for their love rights.</p> <p>One afternoon the CO called Jo into his office and gave him the good news that it was a go. Blossom‘s parents would only give their blessing if the couple would have a traditional Japanese ceremony. They both agreed.</p> <p>The day arrived and Blossom dressed in her wedding kimono. She made a beautiful bride.</p> <p>That evening in their hotel room, Blossom began to undress. With each piece of outer clothing she would take off she would say, “Excuse Please.“</p> <p>Then all her underclothes and again, “Excuse Please.“</p> <p>She was down to her stockings, when she bent over to take them off and expelled some gas.</p> <p>So embarrassed Blossom exclaimed, “Oh so sorry! Excuse please. Front hole so happy, back hole had to whistle!“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Army basic trainees at Fort McClellan were required to go on a demanding 12-mile march. They got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.</p> <p>An hour later, feeling the heavy load of their packs, they wondered if the end would ever come. </p> <p>“Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You‘re doing a FINE job. We‘ve already covered four miles!”</p> <p>Revitalized, we picked up the pace. </p> <p>“And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the starting point any minute now.”</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>A USMC sniper was real good at his job, and he had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, BANG - one less insurgent!</p> <p>After every mission the company commander would ask “How many insurgents have you shot today?“</p> <p>However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported “Five killed and I let one go, sir.“</p> <p>“Let one go?“ roared the company commander. “What do you mean, you let one go?“</p> <p>“Well, sir, I yelled out ‘Osama is a Homo!‘ Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled ‘Hillary is a Bitch!‘ I just couldn‘t shoot a fellow Republican!“ </p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Caroline to see who would donate the most blood.</p> <p>After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.</p> <p>As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel.<br />Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, “I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.</p> <p>It wasn‘t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones‘s sales pitch.</p> <p>Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don‘t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.“</p> <p>“Now,“ he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?“</p> </div></li></ul></div><span style=""><br /></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-89055593201670890362010-11-09T21:19:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:38:46.558-07:00Funny / Racist / Word OF The Day Mexican Jokes|joke<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="">If you are looking for <b>mexican jokes, mexican joke</b><span style=""> </span>than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>funny mexican jokes, racist mexican jokes, mexicans jokes, jokes mexican word of, jokes mexican word of the, mexican jokes of the, mexican jokes of, mexican jokes of the day, mexican word jokes, mexican dirty jokes, mexican word of the day jokes, mexican joke of, mexican joke of the, mexican joke of the day, funny mexican joke, mexican jokes and, short mexican jokes, best mexican jokes, black mexican jokes, mexican jokes one</b> . So enjoy your stay here .<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><p>What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopuss?</p> <p>I don‘t know but it could pick lettuce good.</p></li></ul><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><ul><li>A Mexican, who speaks no English, comes to the USA. As is often the case, he finds that he needs new socks. So, he walks into a clothing store, and manages to convey to the clerk that he needs something, but not exactly what.<br />So, the clerk starts taking down boxes and showing what‘s inside to the Mexican. He shows him a shirt, some pants, a tie, a hat, but each time the Mexican shakes his head and says “No.“<br />Finally, the clerk brings down a box of socks and shows them to the Mexican. The Mexican starts nodding vigorously and says “¡Eso sí que es!“<br />The clerk angrily blurts out, “Well why didn‘t you just spell it in the first place?!“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?“ The German responds, “I will take oil!“ So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on your back?“ “I will take nothing!“ says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. “What will you take on your back?“ the Amazons ask the American. He responds, “I‘ll take the Mexican.“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And A Dumb Blonde?<br />A Kid Who Spraypaints His Name On A Chain Link Fence.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Q. Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team?</p> <p>A. Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border! </p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>There‘s A Deer And A Mexican Lying Dead In The Road, Whats The Difference? There Is Skid Marks In Front Of The Deer.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, “Mom, look - I‘m a white boy!“ His mom slaps him in the face and says, “Go show your father.“ He goes to his dad in the living room and says, “Look Dad, I‘m a white boy.“ His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, “Go show your grandmother.“ The boy goes into his grandmother‘s room and say, “Mira, Abuelita, I‘m a white boy.“ His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, “See, did you learn anything from that?“ To which the boy replies, “Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>What kind of cans are there in Mexico?<br />Mexicans.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>A Mexican family crosses over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But the husband can find no work.<br />His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray: “Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family…“<br />Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the BLACK man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill an lands at his feet!<br />“Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!“ he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home. Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos.<br />“But wouldn‘t you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?“ she inquires.<br />“No,“ the husband says, “Jesus sent this to me with a message… As I ran home, I kept hearing Him yell, ‘ THAT‘S NACHO CHEESE! THAT‘S NACHO CHEESE!‘</li></ul><br /><ul><li>“Honey, I‘ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don‘t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I‘ll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don‘t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?“<br />His lovely new bride said, “No, that‘s fine with me. Just understand that there‘ll be sex here at eight o‘clock every night - whether you‘re here or not.“</li></ul></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-9871365906716742732010-11-09T02:32:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:38:50.298-07:00Funny Sardar Jokes / Sardarji Jokes and Sms in Urdu, Hindi and English<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for <b>sardar jokes, sardarji jokes, sardar joke, funny sardar jokes, sardar jokes hindi</b> than you are at right place. Here you can also find <b>sardar sms jokes, jokes on sardar, sardar ji jokes, sardar jokes in, sardars jokes, latest sardar jokes, sardar adult jokes, sardar jee jokes, sardar jokes in hindi, best sardar jokes, new sardar jokes, sardar dirty jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><p>Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh.</p> <p>He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, “Are Banta Singh!</p> <p>What the heck‘s going‘ on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?“ Scared Banta replies. “Yeah, but you‘ve got a *driver.* “</p></li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>A Sardar received an invitation, to a party<br />which said “Black Tie Onlyâ€�!!<br />When he went to the party he was surprised to<br />find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts<br />as well !!!!</li></ul><br /><ul><li>A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he‘s made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last<br />compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what‘s been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar “I‘m<br />sorry, I can‘t do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member“.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh‘s frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa‘s family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he‘d worn the day Santa died. “You know,“ he said, “Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven‘t read it, but knowing Santa, I‘m sure there‘s a word of inspiration there for us all.“ He unfolded the note and read aloud, “You‘re standing on my oxygen tube!“</li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.</p> <p>The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don‘t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa.“ Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.</p> <p>The American, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don‘t know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don‘t know the answer, I will pay you $500.“</p> <p>This catches the Sardarji‘s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question: “What‘s the distance from the earth to the moon?“ The Sardarji doesn‘t say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.</p> <p>“Okay,“ says the American, “your turn“.</p> <p>He asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?“ The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences……..no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress… no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.</p> <p>After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.</p> <p>The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, “Well, what‘s the answer?“ Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep. </p></li></ul></div><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><br /></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-16419121927365869692010-11-09T02:29:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:38:54.741-07:00Funny / Adult Santa Banta Jokes and Sms in Hindi / English<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" >If you are looking for <b>santa banta jokes, santa banta hindi jokes, santa and banta jokes</b> than you are at right place. Here you can also find <b>santa banta sms jokes, santa banta jokes in, jokes of santa banta, santa banta adult jokes, santa banta funny jokes, santa banta jokes in hindi, santa banta jokes com, santa & banta jokes, santa banta dirty jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.<br />He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.<br />As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.<br />“Hey,“ he announced to the technician, “It`s open!“<br />“I know,“ answered Santa.- “I already got that side.“</li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>Santa enters a store that sell curtains. </p> <p>He tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.“ </p> <p>The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. </p> <p>Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. </p> <p>The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. </p> <p>Santa replies, “Fifteen inches.“ </p> <p>“Fifteen inches?“ asked the salesman. “That sounds very small, what room are they for?“ </p> <p>Santa tells him that they aren‘t for a room, they are for his computer monitor. </p> <p>The surprised salesman replies, “But, sir, computers do not have curtains!“ </p> <p>Santa says, “Hellllooooooooo……..I‘ve got Windows!“</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion‘s cage.<br />Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.<br />Santa: I didn‘t say he got out.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.</p> <p>Santa says to the Banta, “Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?“</p> <p>Banta replies, “Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!“</p> <p>Santa says, with wide eyes, “Wow, they aren‘t very expensive. At this price, I‘m buying one.“</p> <p>Banta smiles and pats him on the back, “Good idea! Order one and if she‘s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.“</p> <p>Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, “Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?“</p> <p>Santa replies, “No, but it shouldn‘t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!“</p></div></li></ul><br /><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-27129861348540252192009-12-12T01:20:00.000-08:002010-09-11T02:36:57.780-07:00Funny / Adult & Dirty / Clean Christmas Jokes, Xmas Jokes & SMS<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" >If you are looking for christmas jokes, christmas joke than you are at right place.Here you can also find funny christmas jokes, adult christmas jokes, christmas dirty jokes, jokes for christmas, kids christmas jokes, jokes and christmas, clean christmas jokes, christmas jokes for kids, rude christmas jokes, short christmas jokes, christmas riddles jokes, christmas jokes and riddles, christian christmas jokes, christmas joke of, naughty christmas jokes, christmas knock knock jokes.So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:13px;" >Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.<br /><br />"What denomination?" asked the clerk.<br /><br />"Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?" said Maria. "Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please."</span></span></li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:13px;" >Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.<p>Which one picked it up?</p><p>Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!</p></span></span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:13px;" ><p>It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?'</p><p>The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.'</p><p>'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'</p><p>'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.</p></span></span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:13px;" ><p>One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.</p><p>'Look at that, 'remarked Peter to Joe, 'That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!'</p></span></span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:13px;" >It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.<br /><br />Sam went to his room and wrote,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i>'Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.'</i><br /><br />But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote:<i>'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.'</i><br /><br />He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version:<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><i>'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.'</i><br /><br />He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied.So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter.<br /><i>'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.'</i></span></span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:12px;" >While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?"<br /><br />The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, "Another train."</span></span></span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:medium;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style=";font-family:Verdana,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:12px;" ><p face="Verdana,Arial,sans-serif" size="9pt" style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; text-align: justify;">NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">The announcement also included a notice that beginning December 9, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been working on a more efficient delivery mechanism for all of our products for some time, but recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate benefits. We'll use it first for the next release of Windows and Office 98."</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown a seemingly endless video stream of products that make up the deal. It ended with a green and red version of the Microsoft logo, and a new Christmas 97 trademark, leading into the announcement of the first product from the deal.</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations said, "The first step is to assimilate Christmas within the Microsoft Organization. This will take some time, so don't expect any changes this year." She continued, "our big plans are for next year, when we release Christmas 98. It will be bigger and better than last year." She further elaborated that "Windows 95 users who sign up with MS Network will get sneak previews of Christmas[98] as early as November first."</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Christmas 97 is scheduled for release in December of 1997, though one unnamed source said that it is dangerously close to the end of the year and may slip into the first half of 1998. An economist at Goldman-Sachs explained that a slip would be catastrophic to next year's economy and the nation's tax revenue, possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for filing income tax returns to three months after Christmas, whenever that was. "But it could be good in the long term," he explained. "With Microsoft controlling Christmas, we may see it move to May or June, which are much slower months for retailers. This may serve to even out the economy over the year."</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">When asked if other holidays are being considered, Mr. Gates explained that "Christmas is the flagship of holidays, so we wanted to start there. Not all holidays are available for sale, and the remaining will have to show a good long-term business," suggesting that holidays with a short history may not be in the plans.</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld, a Santa official confirmed that the deal was "sizable, even for a man of Santa's stature." Some analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is looking for a means to expand his business to year 'round products and services. Others contend that the Jolly Red Man is looking to retire in Redmond.</p><p style="font: 9pt Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; text-align: justify;">A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not be reached for comment.<span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></p></span></span></li></ul><br /><br /><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >A man, wearing </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">only</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" > a bathrobe, bends over the Christmas tree to pick up a present.</span></p> <p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >His young son looks up the robe and asks, "Hey Dad! Who's getting the bagpipes?"</span></p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >I wonder what Christmas will be,<br />No merriment, good cheer or glee,<br />Now that Santa's arrested,<br />Because someone protested,<br />That he laid some doll under their tree.</span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >That wily old pervert St. Nick<br />Made good use of the curve to his dick.<br />He glazed the whole shaft<br />Painted stripes, then he laughed<br />As he offered young ladies a lick.</span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >If you see a fat man<br />who's jolly and cute<br />Wearing a beard<br />and a red flannel suit<br /><br />And if he is chuckling<br />and laughing away<br />While flying around<br />In a miniature sleigh<br /><br />With eight tiny reindeer<br />To pull him along<br />Then lets face it<br />Your eggnog's too strong!</span></li></ul><br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Frosty the cokehead was a crazed neurotic soul,<br />With a big glass pipe and a vial of crack,<br />And no sense of self control.</span></p> <p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,<br />For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.</span></p> <p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;" >Frosty the cokehead doesn't worry anymore,<br />'Cuz when all is said, and your cold and dead,<br />Then you never have to score.</span></p></li></ul><br /><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-42060119797473709422009-12-06T21:41:00.000-08:002009-11-06T21:59:23.352-08:00Funny Polish Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="">If you are looking for <b>polish jokes, polish joke</b><span style=""> </span>than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>funny polish jokes, jokes in polish, of polish jokes, polish jokes origin, origin of polish jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear<br />hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR<br />LEFT“ so they went home.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p> A Polish man was walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his buddies, who asked,</p> <p> “Hey! What‘s in the bag?“</p> <p> The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says,</p> <p> “Well, I‘ll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you‘ll have to give me one.“</p> <p> The man says, “I‘ll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I‘ll give you both of them.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>A Polish and an Italian are hunting in the woods. Suddenly a<br />naked woman appears.<br />Italian: Boy, I could eat her!…<br />The Polish guy shot her.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>A Pollack walked into a bar and sat down at the bar, where a news report was on TV. On the news a man was on a ledge outside an upper floor of a building threatening to jump. The bartender, who‘d seen the news report before said, “I‘ll bet you $50 he‘s going to jump.“ The Pollack took the bet and put down a $50 bill on the bar. Then the man on the ledge jumped to his death. The bartender picked up the $50 bill but then, realizing that he‘d taken advantage of a poor, dumb Pollack, his conscience got the better of him and he said, “Look, I‘m going to give you back your money. I have to confess that I saw that news report before.“ “That‘s O.K.,“ said the Pollack, “I saw it before too, but I didn‘t think he was gonna do it again!“</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-28859173837349885202009-12-06T02:27:00.000-08:002009-11-06T22:00:03.968-08:00Funny Retirement Jokes / Party Ideas / Humor<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for <b>retirement jokes, retirement joke, teacher retirement jokes, funny retirement jokes</b> than you are at right place. Here you can also find jokes for <b>retirement, retirement party jokes, retirement roast jokes, jokes about retirement, retired jokes, retirement jokes and, retiring jokes, retirement jokes one, free retirement jokes. </b>So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.</p> <p>Wife: ‘What are you doing dear?‘<br />Husband: ‘Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females‘</p> <p>Wife: ‘How do you know which gender they were?‘<br />Husband: ‘Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone‘ </p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts.“</p> <p>The doctor replies, “OK. Touch your elbow.“</p> <p>The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.</p> <p>The doctor, surprised, then states, “Touch your head.“</p> <p>The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell.</p> <p>The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days.</p> <p>Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, “We‘ve found your problem.“</p> <p>“Oh yeah? What is it?“ asks the retiree.</p> <p>“You‘ve broken your finger!“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?“ the reporter asked.</p> <p>She simply replied, “No peer pressure.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn‘t help noticing how happy you look“, she said. “What‘s your secret for a long happy life?“ “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day“, he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.“ “That‘s amazing“, the woman said. “How old are you?“ “Twenty-six“, he said.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:</p> <p>“We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.</p> <p>“They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don‘t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.</p> <p>They play games and do exercises there, but they don‘t do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don‘t know how to swim.</p> <p>At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.</p> <p>My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can‘t get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck.</p> <p>My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.“</p></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-18791566624999850872009-12-06T02:25:00.000-08:002009-11-06T22:00:10.828-08:00Funny / Foxworthy Redneck Jokes, Humor and Comedy<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for <b>redneck jokes, redneck joke, jeff foxworthy redneck jokes, funny redneck jokes</b> than you are at right place. Here you can also find <b>foxworthy redneck jokes, be a redneck jokes, might be a redneck jokes, redneck jokes jeff, a redneck jokes, be redneck jokes, you might be a redneck jokes, rednecks jokes, a redneck if jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>You Might Be A Redneck If . . .</p> <p>. . . you were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45’s.</p> <p>. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.</p> <p>. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.</p> <p>. . . you no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.</p> <p>. . . you think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.</p> <p>. . . that billboard that says, “Say No To Crack” reminds you to pull up your jeans.</p> <p>. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.</p> <p>. . . you go to your family reunions looking for a date.</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, “I resent that!“</p> <p>The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.</p> <p>The redneck looked at him and said, “ You stay outta this, I‘‘m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?“ The waitress nodded “yes,“ so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.</p> <p>The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there?“ The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “my treat.“</p> <p>The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there sweet thang. How‘s about gettin‘ me a cold glass of Coke!“ He too looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God‘s boy over there?“ The waitress once again nodded that it was, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, “on my bill.“</p> <p>As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.“ The Irishman felt the strength come back to his legs, got up and danced a jig right out the door.</p> <p>Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.“ The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.</p> <p>Then Jesus walked up to the Redneck.</p> <p>The Redneck jumped up and yelled, “Don‘t touch me… I‘m drawin‘ disability!“ </p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods</p> <p>BAR CODE - Them‘s the fight‘n rules down at the local tavern</p> <p>BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick</p> <p>BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro</p> <p>CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps</p> <p>CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in</p> <p>TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker</p> <p>CRASH - When you go to Junior‘s party uninvited</p> <p>DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers</p> <p>DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer</p> <p>FAX - What you lie about to the IRS</p> <p>HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking</p> <p>HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos</p> <p>INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair</p> <p>KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere</p> <p>MAC - Big Bubba‘s favorite fast food</p> <p>MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers</p> <p>MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall</p> <p>MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live</p> <p>NETWORK - Scoop‘n up a big fish before it breaks the line</p> <p>ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test</p> <p>ROM - Where the pope lives</p> <p>SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch</p> <p>SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast</p> <p>SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak‘s Employee of the year</p> <p>SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.“</p> <p>“Chickens, eh?“ says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?“</p> <p>“Heck,“ says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I‘ll give you both of ‘em.“</p> <p>The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?“</p></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-9644848918508603702009-12-04T21:42:00.000-08:002009-11-06T21:59:09.981-08:00Funny/ Republican Jokes/ Political Jokes and Humor / Bush Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="">If you are looking for <b>political joke, political jokes</b><span style=""> </span>than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>night political jokes, political jokes late, politics jokes, funny political jokes, political joke highlights, and political jokes, political jokes about, clean political jokes, politcal jokes, political cartoons jokes, short political jokes</b> . So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton must be telling lies.</p> <p>1. Is the Pope catholic?<br />2. Does Windows have bugs?<br />3. Does Clinton lie?</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A young man‘s parents were trying to figure out what their son‘s future career would be so they decided to give him a test.</p> <p>They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren‘t at home. The father told the mother, “If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I‘m afraid our son will be a drunkard.“</p> <p>So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they‘d be home later. Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.</p> <p>The father slapped his forehead and said, “Darn, it‘s even worse than I could ever have imagined…“</p> <p>“What do you mean?“ his wife asked.</p> <p>“Our son is going to be a politician!“ replied the very unhappy father.</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>President Vladimir Putin called President Bush with an emergency:<br />“Our largest condom factory has exploded!“ the Russian President cried; “My people‘s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!“</p> <p>“Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.“, replied the President.</p> <p>“I do need your help,“ said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?“</p> <p>“Why certainly! I‘ll get right on it!“, said Bush.</p> <p>“Oh, and one more small favour, please?“, said Putin.</p> <p>“Yes?“, replied the President.</p> <p>“Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10“ long and 4“ in diameter?“ said Yeltsin.</p> <p>“No problem,“ replied the President and with that Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan condoms. “I need a favour, you‘ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.“</p> <p>“Consider it done,“ said the President of Trojan.</p> <p>“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10“ long and 4“ wide.“</p> <p>“Easily done. Anything else?“</p> <p>“Yeah,“ said the President, “Print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM‘ on each one.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Saddam has just made a reportedly live TV appearance. He said, “To prove I am still alive, Liverpool were a bag of shite on Saturday“.</p> <p>The British Government claim that it could have been recorded months ago.</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A freshly elected Barrack Obama is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen when a little man comes up to him.</p> <p>“Excuse me Mr. President but my name is Jason Prins and I’m here with an extremely important client tonight. We’re going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, “Hello Jason”.</p> <p>President Obama, eager to please, readily agrees and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by deep in conversation with his client. Obama approached him and said ” Hello Jason.”</p> <p>The little man says “F**k off, Barrack! I’m in a meeting!” and keeps walking.</p> </div></li></ul></div></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-81417192835911376852009-11-04T02:34:00.000-08:002009-09-04T02:37:52.534-07:00Funny Men and Women Sexist Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" >If you are looking for <b>sexist jokes, sexist women jokes, joke sexist, sexist men jokes, sexist jokes about</b> than you are at right place. Here you can also find <b>funny sexist jokes, sexist jokes about women, sexist woman jokes, male sexist jokes, sexist jokes against, short sexist jokes, sexist jokes one, sexist jokes about men, sexist female jokes, sexist jokes against men, sexism jokes, best sexist jokes, sexist jokes for, racist sexist jokes, sexist jokes one liners, and sexist jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><ul style="text-align: left;font-family:arial;"><li><span style="font-size:100%;">What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?<br />A widow.</span></li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>What‘s the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women‘s clinic?<br />The god damned dishes if she knows what‘s good for her.</p> <p>Why do women get married in white?<br />So they match the kitchen appliances!</p> <p>Why is clinton gonna lose the election?<br />Cause she is a woman</p> <p>Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?<br />Walking the dog is relaxing.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>How many men does it take to change a light bulb?<br />None. Let the do the ironing in the dark. </p> <p>How many women does it take to change a light bulb?<br />11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it. </p> <p>How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br />Who knows; they never get the house. </p> <p>How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br />4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group. </p> <p>What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?<br />Slap her. </p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>What is the difference between a battery and a woman?<br />A battery has a positive side.</p> <p>What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.</p> <p>A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says “what seems to be the problem officer?“ the cop looks bluntly at him and says “are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?“ the man let out a sigh “thank for that i thought i had gone deaf!“</p> <p>Why did the woman cross the road?<br />Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN‘S PERSONAL ADS</p> <p>40-ish…………………………49<br />Adventurous…………………Slept with all your friends<br />Athletic……………………….No<br />Average looking……………..Ugly<br />Beautiful………………………Pathological liar<br />Contagious Smile…………….Does a lot of pills<br />Emotionally secure…………..On medication<br />Feminist……………………….Fat<br />Free spirit……………………..Junkie<br />Friendship first……………….Former<br />Fun…………………………….Annoying<br />Gentle…………………………Dull<br />New Age………………………Body hair in the wrong places<br />Open-minded…………………Desperate<br />Outgoing………………………Loud and Embarrassing<br />Passionate……………………Sloppy drunk<br />Poet……………………………Depressive<br />Romantic………………………Frigid<br />Voluptuous……………………Very Fat<br />Large frame…………………..Hugely Fat<br />Wants Soul mate…………….Stalker<br />Widow…………………………Murderer</p> <p>WOMEN‘S ENGLISH</p> <p>1. Yes = No<br />2. No = Yes<br />3. Maybe = No<br />4. We need = I want<br />5. I am sorry = you‘ll be sorry<br />6. We need to talk = you‘re in trouble<br />7. Sure, go ahead = you better not<br />8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later<br />9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!<br />10. You‘re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?</p> <p>MEN‘S ENGLISH</p> <p>1. I am hungry = I am hungry<br />2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy<br />3. I am tired = I am tired<br />4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!<br />5. I love you = let‘s have sex now<br />6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?<br />7. May I have this dance? = I‘d like to have sex with you<br />8. Can I call you sometime? = I‘d like to have sex with you<br />9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I‘d like to have sex with you<br />10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I‘d like to have sex with you<br />11. Those shoes don‘t go with that outfit = I‘m gay</p> <p>And finally…..</p> <p>A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.<br />For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.<br />However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>There were these three women, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, that had just escaped from prison. There was a farm close to the prison and the three women headed for it to hide. So as the police were chasing them, they found a barn with three big flour sacks. Big enough for them to hide in, so they each got in a sack. The police came around to search the barn, they were about to leave when one officer suggested that they check those three flour bags. A policemen went up to the first bag and kicked it, the brunette replied, “Bark, bark!“. The policemen concluded that there were only dogs in this bag. He went to the second bag and kicked it and the redhead said, “Meow, meow!“. The policemen concluded that there were only cats in this bag. He went to the third bag and kicked it and the blonde said, “Potatoes, potatoes!“</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs<br />A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn‘t need</p> <p>A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband<br />A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife</p> <p>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend<br />A successful woman is one who can find such a man</p> <p>To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little<br />To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all</p> <p>Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die</p> <p>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn‘t<br />A man marries a woman expecting that she won‘t change but she does</p> </div></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-77030522763637048752009-11-04T02:15:00.000-08:002009-09-04T02:40:59.195-07:00Funny Racist Jokes / Racial Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for <b>racist jokes, funny racist jokes, racist black jokes</b> than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>racist mexican jokes, white racist jokes, asian racist jokes, racist jokes com, racists jokes, racist jewish jokes, racist people jokes, chinese racist jokes, racist obama jokes, best racist jokes, racist jew jokes, short racist jokes, racist nigger jokes, and racist jokes</b> . So enjoy your stay here .<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Wear bed sheets and put bags over their women‘s heads. They burp and fart during meals and wash themselves in sand.<br />They bugger little boys and practice some stupid religion that they‘re trying to get all our Negroes to believe in. Disorderly<br />cowards when they have to fight anyone else, they nonetheless quite courageously murder each other and chop off people‘s<br />hands for littering. They plant bombs everywhere they go and own all the earth‘s oil, which is why you can‘t buy high-test<br />if you‘re wearing a yarmulke. They hate Jews because Jews are the only people in the world with noses uglier than their<br />own, and they‘re cornering the Cadillac market so that the Hebes will have to drive Buicks.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>What‘s the difference between dog shit and niggers?<br />When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>I had a bunch of Canadian dollars laying around, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank to change them out.</p> <p>It was a short line, just one lady in front of me; An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was getting a little irritated.</p> <p>She asked the teller, “Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty. Why it change?”</p> <p>The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations”.</p> <p>The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people, too!”</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser.“<br />“Oh really, hmm, didn‘t know that.“<br />Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn‘t care.“ The second Englishman remarked, “You just don‘t know how to set him off… watch and learn.“ So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!“<br />“Oh really, hmm, didn‘t know that.“<br />Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. “You‘re right. He‘s unshakable!“<br />The third Englishman remarked, “Boys, I‘ll really tick him off… just watch.“ So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!“<br />“Yeah, that‘s what your buddies were trying to tell me.“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Finnegin: Me wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.<br />Sean: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?<br />Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home.</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-77301815953182155322009-11-04T02:12:00.000-08:002009-09-04T02:40:54.215-07:00Funny Pranks and Practical Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:12px;" >If you are looking for <b>practical jokes, practical joke, pranks practical jokes, practical jokes and pranks</b> than you are at right place.Here you can also find <b>pratical jokes, practical jokes office, best practical jokes, good practical jokes, and practical jokes, for practical jokes, funny practical jokes, on practical jokes, free practical jokes, computer practical jokes, harmless practical jokes, practical jokes gone, scary practical jokes, tv practical jokes, practical jokes revenge, practical jokes the, practical jokes to</b><span style=""> </span>. So enjoy your stay here .<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>I don‘t quite know why it is called that. Anyway..<br />The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and set it on fire, toss it under the door into the stall. Yell fire as everyone tosses the water into the stall. Needless to say the fire as well as the victim get very wet.</p> <p>This one fellow in the house was hit a number of times and took to relieving himself in other locals. We followed him a couple of times and nailed him in many parts of the residence.</p> <p>Later of course we conspired with our victim to get back at the original instigator of the drill. The guy in the stall had a bucket of water, and when the the instigator tossed the bag in we all hit him.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Pick a victim. Keep warning your victim that April Fools‘ Day is coming. Talk about a few great practical jokes, starring yourself as the joker. Develop an evil chuckle, if possible. When April Fools‘ Day comes, smile secretively every time you see your victim. You won‘t need to do anything else - your victim‘s nerves will already be totally shot. Heh, heh, heh.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Got a sound sleeper in your midst? Get a roll of cling wrap (or package sealing shrink wrap) and secure the sleeper into place. When he/she wakes up he/she won‘t be able to move. Note: Covering the victim’s face is not recommended as they may never wake up again.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner tracing.</p> <p>At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess that he had been gigged!</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>Fill a large brown envelope about 70% with shaving foam. </p> <p>Close over the flap but don‘t seal it. </p> <p>Place it part way, flap first under a friends door and call them to get it. </p> <p>When you hear them walking towards it, jump on the back end of the envelope and shaving foam will spray everywhere.</p></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-90563084911847061212009-11-04T02:02:00.000-08:002009-09-04T02:40:17.954-07:00Funny / Dirty / Clean Little Johnny Jokes<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="">If you are looking for<b> little johnny jokes, little johny jokes</b> than you are at right place.Here you can also find<b> little johnny dirty jokes, little jonny jokes, funny little johnny jokes, clean little johnny jokes, little johhny jokes, little johnny jokes com, new little johnny jokes, little johnny christmas jokes, little johney jokes, little johnny jokes about, little johnny jokes and, best little johnny jokes, short little johnny jokes, of little johnny jokes, funniest little johnny jokes</b>. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>Little Johnny‘s teacher asks, “What is the chemical formula for water?“</p> <p>Little Johnny replies, “HIJKLMNO“!!</p> <p>The teacher, puzzled, asks, “What on Earth are you talking about?“</p> <p>Little Johnny replies, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!“</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Little Johnny once asked his teacher “Do hearts have legs?.“</p> <p>The teacher answered “Why do you ask that?“</p> <p>Johnny replied “Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:</p> <p>“One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two.“<br />“Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four.“<br />“Three and three… “</p> <p>His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.</p> <p>His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny‘s classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny‘s mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny‘s different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.</p> <p>The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn‘t understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, “Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.</p> <p>Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,“ she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer‘s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.“</p> <p>“Very good,“ said the teacher.</p> <p>Little Jenny was next: “I sold magazines,“ she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.“</p> <p>“Very good, Jenny,“ said the teacher.</p> <p>Eventually, it was Little Johnny‘s turn. The teacher held her breath.</p> <p>Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher‘s desk. “$2,467,“ he said.</p> <p>“$2,467!“ cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?“</p> <p>“Toothbrushes,“ said Little Johnny.</p> <p>“Toothbrushes,“ echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?“</p> <p>“I found the busiest corner in town,“ said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like shit!“</p> <p>Then I would say, “It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?“ </p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Little Johnny‘s father said, “let me see your report card.“<br />Johnny replied, “I don‘t have it.“<br />“Why not?“ His father asked.<br />“My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word definately in a sentence. Suzy raised her hand so she called on her.<br />She said, “The sky is definately blue!“<br />“I‘m sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?“<br />Timmy raised his hand and said, “The grass is definately green.“<br />“I‘m sorry Timmy that‘s not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?“<br />Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Teacher do farts have lumps?“<br />The teacher says, “no why?“<br />Johnny says, “Then I definitely Shit my pants!“</li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!“</p> <p>Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.</p> <p>Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,</p> <p>“Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!“</p></li></ul></div><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style=""><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><br /></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-72388439125593476872009-11-04T01:46:00.000-08:002009-09-04T02:40:24.463-07:00Funny Lawyer Jokes and Lawyer Humor.<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">If you are looking for</span><span style=""> <span style="font-weight: bold;">lawyer jokes, lawyers jokes</span> </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">than you are at right place.Here you can also find</span><span style=""> </span><span style=""><span style="font-weight: bold;">lawyer joke, funny lawyer jokes, jokes about lawyers, best lawyer jokes, lawyers joke, and lawyer jokes, lawyer jokes one, lawer jokes, good lawyer jokes, and lawyer joke, a lawyer jokes, a lawyer joke, short lawyer jokes, best lawyer joke, lawyer jokes one liners, clean lawyer jokes</span>. </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">So enjoy your stay here<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, “I don‘t understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We‘re the same age, we were the same size as kids… I just don‘t get it.“<br />“Well,“ says the big alligator, “what have you been eating?“<br />“Lawyers, same as you,“ replies the small alligator.<br />“Hmm. Well, where do you catch ‘em?“<br />“Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp.“<br />“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch ‘em?“<br />“Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite ‘em, shake the crap out of ‘em, and eat ‘em!“<br />“Ah!“ says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin‘ the crap out of a lawyer, there‘s nothing left but lips and a briefcase…“</li></ul><br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. - Robert Smith Surtees<br />Whoever tells the best story wins. - John Quincy Adams<br />A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray<br />Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it. - Adison Mizner<br />In almost every case, you have to read between the lies. - Angie Papadakis<br />A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself. - Lord Brougham<br />A man is innocent until proven broke. - Anonymous</li></ul><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><ul><li>In the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt. It is impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor and the other is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they‘ll be there in 20 minutes. It‘s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.<br />“Aren‘t you also going to have a drink?“ the doctor says.<br />“After the police get here.“ replies the lawyer.</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>“How can I ever thank you?“ gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.</p> <p>“My dear woman,“ Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Two new surgeons at the hospital were discussing the qualities of their favorite patients. “I like contractors myself” says one. “They don’t even flinch when I tell them I underestimated the cost and length of surgery.”</p> <p>“Well, I had an electrician yesterday” another says. “It was beautiful everything inside well marked and color coded!’</p> <p>An older surgeon passing by heard them, and cut in. “You fellas ain’t seen nothing yet” he tells them “By far the best patients are lawyers- they have no heart, no spine, little guts, and the head and butt are fully interchangeable!”</p> </div></li></ul></div></div><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-86496203598101463472009-11-04T01:38:00.000-08:002009-09-04T02:40:30.658-07:00Funny / Racist Black Jokes & Nigger Jokes about Black People<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" >If you are looking for black jokes/joke than you are at right place.Here you can also find black people jokes, funny black jokes, racist black jokes, blacks jokes, jokes about black, all black jokes, black racial jokes, and black jokes, black man jokes, jokes about black people, black white jokes, best black jokes, black jokes com, black jokes one liners.So enjoy your stay here.</span><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" ><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?<br />A: The black ones steal your watch.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: How do you start a black parade?<br />A: Roll a 40 down the street.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?<br />A: Use em as bike racks.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: How did they improve the transportation in harlem?<br />A: Move the trees closer together.<br /></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Q: What did the black girl say while having sex?<br />A: Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?<br />A: No one likes the black ones.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?<br />A: A rotten banana</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?<br />A. An auctionner</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: How long does it take a black lady to shit?<br />A: 9 months.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: What do you call 100 black guys baried from the neck down?<br />A: Afroturf.</li></ul><br /><br /><ul><li>Q: Why are blacks afried of lawnmovers?<br />A: Beacuse it gose run nigger nigger run.</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-65562290742318073542009-09-04T03:17:00.000-07:002009-09-04T03:19:46.524-07:00Yo Mama Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for yo mama jokes, yo mamma jokes than you are at right place.Here you can also find your mama jokes, funny yo mama jokes, yo mama joke, yo moma jokes, new yo mama jokes, yo mama so jokes, yo mama jokes battle, ya mama jokes, yo mama jokes fat, yo mama jokes insults, the yo mama jokes, yo mama jokes so fat, you mama jokes, funniest yo mama jokes, yo mama jokes 2008, good yo mama jokes, top yo mama jokes, yo mama dirty jokes . So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up</li></ul><br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Yo Mama So Ugly when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals‘</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li> <p> * Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she breathes, her teeth duck out of the way.<br /> * Yo mama’s breath is so bad, she could clear a chat room.<br /> * Yo mama’s breath is so stank, when she talks her lips go numb.<br /> * Yo mama’s breath is sooo bad, she made Close Up back up.<br /> * Yo mama’s breath stinks so bad, people look forward to her farts!</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Yo mamma so white, when she goes joggin through her suburban neighborhood at night, there‘s no need for her to wear anything relfective.</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-35847469631880993682009-09-04T03:13:00.000-07:002009-09-04T03:16:44.302-07:00Funny Teacher Jokes<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for teacher jokes, teacher joke than you are at right place.Here you can also find jokes for teachers, jokes about teachers, funny teacher jokes, jokes on teachers, teachers joke, english teacher jokes. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><p>Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?</p> <p>Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.</p> <p>Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?</p> <p>Student: Yes, Sir.</p> <p>Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?</p> <p>Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?<br />Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.<br />Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?<br />Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>In a classroom of third graders, the teacher says to the kids, “Today, class, we will be telling stories that have a moral to them.“ She explained what a moral to a story was and asked for volunteers. Little Suzie raises her hand.<br />Suzie: “ I live on a farm and we have a chicken that laid 12 eggs, we were excited to have 12 more chickens but only 6 of them hatched.“<br />Teacher: “That‘s a good story, now what is the moral?“<br />Suzie: “ Don‘t count your chickens before they are hatched.“<br />Teacher: “Very good Suzie, anyone else?“<br />Ralphie: “Yes teacher, I was carrying some eggs I bought for my mom in my bicycle basket one day and I crashed my bike and all the eggs broke.“<br />Teacher: “That‘s a nice story, what is the moral?“<br />Ralphie: “Don‘t put all your eggs in one basket.“<br />Teacher: “ Very good Ralphie, anyone else?“<br />Little Johnny: “ Yes teacher, my Aunt Karen is in the army and when she was in the Gulf War, she parachuted down with only a gun, 20 bullets, a knife, and a six-pack of beer. On her way down, she drank the six pack. When she landed, she shot 20 Iraqis and killed ten of them with her knife.“<br />Teacher: “Very interesting, Johnny, what is the moral to your story?“<br />Little Johnny: “Don‘t fool with Aunt Karen when she‘s drunk.“</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day.</p> <p>Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.</p> <p>This is the actual conversation of the telephone call…</p> <p>Kelly: “Hi, I‘m calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.</p> <p>Secretary at high school: “Oh, I‘m sorry to hear that. I‘ll note her absence. Who is this calling?“</p> <p>Kelly: “This is my mother.“</p> <p>Needless to say, she didn‘t pull it off!</p> </div></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-18927462383404778802009-09-04T03:10:00.000-07:002009-09-04T03:13:06.970-07:00Funny Sick Jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for sick jokes, sick joke than you are at right place.Here you can also find book of sick jokes, sick twisted jokes, funny sick jokes, really sick jokes, sick jokes about, sick baby jokes, sick dirty jokes, very sick jokes . So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Q: What have Gareth gates and Harold Shipman got in common?<br />A: Neither of them can finish a sentence.<br />Shipman‘s last meal was a curry. When asked afterwards if he enjoyed it, he replied that it was OK but he could‘ve murdered a nan.<br />They are going to make a film about Harold Shipman starring Robert De Niro. Title: The Old Dear Hunter.<br />Harold Shipman‘s suicide note has been found. It reads – “I can‘t go on. I‘ve run out of patience.“<br />The prison warden where Shipman was ‘staying‘ commented that he will be sorely missed, especially by the prison boxing club. He said: “He had a lethal jab“.<br />It‘s been said Harold Shipman was a bit of a lady killer, maybe thats got something to do with the fact that he‘s well hung!</li></ul><br /><ul><li><ins style="border: medium none ; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt; display: inline-table; height: 280px; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 336px;"><ins style="border: medium none ; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt; display: block; height: 280px; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 336px;"><iframe allowtransparency="true" hspace="0" id="google_ads_frame3" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" name="google_ads_frame" src="http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/ads?client=ca-pub-8233396504234534&output=html&h=280&slotname=8491945818&w=336&lmt=1252058800&flash=10.0.32&url=http%3A%2F%2Fjokesfolder.com%2Fjokes%2Fsick-jokes%2F&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fjokesfolder.com%2Fjokes%2Fshort-jokes%2F&dt=1252058800634&prev_slotnames=7145583214%2C8491945818&correlator=1252058800438&frm=0&ga_vid=478979271.1252057652&ga_sid=1252057652&ga_hid=1702869075&ga_fc=1&u_tz=360&u_his=8&u_java=1&u_h=1024&u_w=1280&u_ah=990&u_aw=1280&u_cd=32&u_nplug=20&u_nmime=69&biw=1263&bih=738&fu=0&ifi=3&dtd=8&xpc=n5YposRRLg&p=http%3A//jokesfolder.com" style="left: 0pt; position: absolute; top: 0pt;" vspace="0" width="336" frameborder="0" height="280" scrolling="no"></iframe></ins></ins> <p>A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.</p> <p>He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says “I can‘t I‘m on my period.“</p> <p>He says “That doesn‘t matter.“</p> <p>So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.</p> <p>A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.</p> <p>So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.</p> <p>The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.</p> <p>The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers “Eating Pizza!“ </p></li></ul><br /><ul><li>A worker calls their boss one morning and tells him that<br />they are staying home because they are not feeling well.<br />“What‘s the matter?“ he asks<br />“I have a case of anal glaucoma,“ said in a weak voice.<br />“What the hell is anal glaucoma?“<br />“I can‘t see my ass coming into work today“ .</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-29059625119762727172009-09-04T02:49:00.001-07:002009-09-04T03:06:25.329-07:00Funny / Dirty / Clean Short Jokes and Sms<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">If you are looking for short jokes, short funny jokes than you are at right place.Here you can also find short dirty jokes, short joke, hilarious short jokes, funny clean short jokes, blonde short jokes, rude short jokes, short clean jokes, adult short jokes, sms short jokes, best short jokes. So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What do you call a sheep with no legs?<br />A cloud.</li></ul><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.<br />When did you first notice this problem?<br />What problem?</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Q: What is the difference between a Virgin and a washing machine?<br />A: The washing machine doesn‘t follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! </li></ul><br /><ul><li>Husband says; “When I‘m gone you‘ll never find another man like me“.<br />Wife replied; “What makes you think I‘d want another man like you!“</li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-1882625397792555512009-03-31T01:07:00.000-07:002009-03-31T01:10:02.221-07:00Funny / Short / Clean Irish Jokes for Kids and Adult<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:130%;" ><b>If you are looking for irish jokes, irish joke than you are at right place.Here you can also find irish jokes, irish joke, and irish jokes, short irish jokes, irish jokes one, best irish jokes, dirty irish jokes, funny irish jokes, clean irish jokes, irish jokes one liners, racist irish jokes, irish wedding jokes, irish jokes for, best irish joke, good irish jokes .So enjoy your stay here.</b></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London.<br />“Just a minute sir,“ said the girl on the desk.<br />“Thank you,“ said the Kerryman and hung up.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going,<br />everyone got drunk and the bride‘s and groom‘s families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other.</p> <p>The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting “Silence in Court“.</p> <p>The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, “Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened“. The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says “OK“.</p> <p>“Well“, said Paddy, “After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates“.</p> <p>The Judge instantly responded… “God.. that must of hurt!“<br />Paddy replies “HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.</p> <p>‘My son was born on St George‘s Day, ‘remarked the Englishman, ‘So we obviously decided to call him George.‘</p> <p>‘That‘s a real coincidence, ‘observed the Frenchman, ‘My daughter was born on Valentine‘s Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.‘</p> <p>‘That‘s really incredible, ‘drawled the Irishman, ‘Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.‘ </p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li>An Irishman took a photograph of his son to the chemist. ‘I wonder,‘ he said, ‘could you enlarge this for me?‘ ‘Yes, certainly,‘ the chemist replied. ‘And would it be possible for you to take his hat off for me?‘ ‘Well, I‘m sure we could do something. Yes, we could touch it up for you.‘ ‘Oh, that‘s fine.‘ ‘Tell me,‘ said the chemist, ‘which side does your son part his hair?‘ The Irishman smiled. ‘Oh, come on now. You‘ll see that when you take his hat off.‘</li></ul><br /><ul><li>A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.<br />The Texan says : “Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other.“<br />The Kerry farmer says: “Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too.“</li></ul><br /><ul><li>An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman applied for a job as chauffeur to a rich lady.<br />‘I‘m such a good driver,‘ said The Englishman, ‘I can go within an inch of The edge of a cliff without driving over,‘ said The Scotsman.<br />‘And how close to The cliff edge can you drive?‘ The lady asked The Irishman.<br />‘I keep as far away from cliffs with The car as I possibly can,‘ said The Irishman.</li></ul></div><br /><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711396171682515977.post-7530199711035793762009-03-31T01:03:00.000-07:002009-03-31T01:05:40.593-07:00Funny / Racist / Short Jewish Jokes and Jew jokes<div style="text-align: center; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:130%;">If you are looking for jewish jokes, jewish joke than you are at right place.Here you can also find racist jewish jokes, funny jewish jokes, short jewish jokes, jewish dirty jokes, jewish jokes one liners, book of jewish jokes, best jewish jokes, jewish princess jokes, and jewish jokes, of jewish jokes, bad jewish jokes, jewish american princess jokes, jewish joke book.So enjoy your stay here.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>Three men, an Italian, a Frenchman, and a Jew, were condemned to be executed. Their captors told them that they had the right to have a final meal before the execution.</p> <p>They asked the Frenchman what he wanted.</p> <p>“Give me the best French wine and French bread,“ he requested.</p> <p>So they gave it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him. Next it was the Italian‘s turn.</p> <p>“Give me a great big plate of pasta,“ said the Italian.</p> <p>So they brought it to him, he ate it, and then they executed him. Now it was the Jew‘s turn.</p> <p>“I want a big bowl of strawberries, “ said the Jew.</p> <p>“Strawberries!!! They aren‘t even in season!“</p> <p>“Nu, so I‘ll wait…“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><p>Morris calls his son in NY and says,“ Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don‘t want to discuss it. I‘m merely telling you because you‘re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I‘ve made up my mind, I‘m divorcing Mama.“</p> <p>The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. “I don‘t want to get into it. My mind is made up.“</p> <p>“But Dad, you just can‘t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?“</p> <p>“It‘s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you‘re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don‘t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell<br />her. It will spare me the pain.“</p> <p>“But where‘s Mama? Can I talk to her?“</p> <p>“No I don‘t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven‘t told her yet. Believe me it hasn‘t been easy. I‘ve agonized over it for several days, and I‘ve finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.“</p> <p>“Dad, don‘t do anything rash. I‘m going to take the first flight down. Promise me that you won‘t do anything until I get there.“</p> <p>“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I‘ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can‘t bear to talk about it anymore.“</p> <p>A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. “Benny told me That you don‘t want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won‘t do anything until we both get there.“</p> <p>Morris promises.</p> <p>After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well Sahna, it worked this time, but what are we going to going to do next time to get them to come home for the holidays?“</p></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A Jewish boy comes home to his mother and tells her he has met a wonderful girl, and they are to be married.</p> <p>“Oh, that‘s nice“ says Momma. “And what is this girls name?“</p> <p>The son tells her that his fiancee is a Native American and is called Little Running Deer.</p> <p>“That‘s nice, honey“ says Momma, trying to keep a straight face.</p> <p>The son then tells his momma that he wants to be called by his “new“ Native American name too, and that from now on she should call him “Swift Flying Arrow“.</p> <p>“OK, honey, whatever you wish“ says Momma.</p> <p>Then the son says, “You should get a Native American name too, Momma“.</p> <p>“I‘ve already got one,“ replies Momma. “It‘s Big Sitting Shiva“.</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A Jew and a non-Jew are traveling on a train together when suddenly the goy asks “Why are you Jews so smart?“</p> <p>The Jew is quiet for a moment and then says “its because of all the herring we eat.“<br />A few hours later the Jew takes out some herring and starts to eat it.</p> <p>The goy asks “how much herring do you have?“ and the Jew answers “a dozen pieces“.<br />“And how much do you want for a piece?“</p> <p>“20 kopecks“ (a lot of money).</p> <p>The man hands the money over and the Jew gives him a piece of herring.</p> <p>“He takes a bite and says suddenly “I could have bought this same herring in Moscow for a few kopecks“.</p> <p>To this the Jew responds “see… your getting smarter already.“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"> <p>A young Jewish man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder. “Every thought I have turns to my mother,“ he told the psychiatrist. “As soon as I fall asleep and being to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.“</p> <p>The psychiatrist replied, “What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?“</p></div></li></ul><br /><ul><li><div class="post-content"><div class="post-content"> <p>There was a young fellow who emigrated from Russia to Texas. He worked hard and prospered. He had a good life and sent for his father to join him.</p> <p>His father looked like a religious Jew. The son decided he‘d be happier if his appearance were more that of a native Texan. So, he brought him into a barbershop and had his beard shaved off. He then had him fitted with a tall Texan hat.</p> <p>After all that, he noticed his father was crying. When his son asked why, his dad relied, “I‘m crying because we lost the Alamo“. </p> </div></div></li></ul></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15758017766224888044noreply@blogger.com